What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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