I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
