We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
