I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
