I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
