Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
