dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
