Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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