i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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