I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
