Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
