Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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