Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sext me about skeletons
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
