Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
