I accidentally had phone sex last night
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
