just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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