this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
