she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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