If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
