Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
