Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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