i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
