I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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