youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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