they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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