: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
