Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
