a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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