Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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