i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
