You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
