If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
