i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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