ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize