Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
