This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
