Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
