she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
