Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They took my balls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
