They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
