when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
