So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
