he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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