My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
