It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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