I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
