See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
