mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she smelled like a LAN party
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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