it was like eating out sand paper
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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