so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
