Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
