I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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