Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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