Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
