my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize