this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
