Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
