I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
