woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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