I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
