I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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