it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
