Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
