Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
