If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Life is so much better after having sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
