I wish my penis had an off switch
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
