There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
