No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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