I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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