You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
