Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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