my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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